This is such a shock, I'd like to thank my mum and my pet rock...

So, I didn't even notice but recently the site hit its 3000th view, and the winner is!.... Oh... Well it was me, along with the other 2999 views on this site, but carrying on, I'd like to thank everyone who viewed this site, for whatever motive you had, whether it was for the humour, or the opinionated stories, or you just happened to click on here by mistake, whatever happened I value you all equally, except my one valued reader from Bosnia and Herzegovina, you mate, are the greatest.

So yeah, thanks and all

Gracias

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FIFA games and Alcohol

No, it's not my parody of an Oasis song (although now you say it, I might do that...) But continuing, it's not long now until I attend one of my mates (yeah, joke all you want) gatherings, here he is planning on playing a FIFA drinking game, now I'm not good at FIFA or drinking alcohol so you can kind of see where this is going, they are absolutely determined to get me drunk because, supposedly I'm funny sober (yeah, you read that right) so they think I'd be hilarious drunk, I'm not so sure...

Here's why

1. Alcohol is a depressant, so my normal hilarious self (what?) will be utterly destroyed by this toxin filled rubbish that I will be ultimately forced by peer pressure to "down".

2. It only works if you want it to, I will be so reluctant to do it that once I do do it (hehe do do) I will be so annoyed at myself for doing it, that it will probably enhance my depression causing everyone to hate me.

3. In the small space of time that I will have drunk the optimum amount of alcohol to unleash the party animal inside me, I will have lost at least 2 more games of FIFA and be out cold, either that or forced to go to the brothel across the road. (That's right, he lives opposite a known brothel, I KNOW!)

4. I'm making this organised list about alcohol, suggesting to you that I'm neither fun nor cool enough to be handling more than one shot of whatever they decide to poison my liver with

So, about mid way through December you'll get my update on my pitiful attempt at this FIFA tournament and my other updates on my newly acquired liver disease.

Gracias

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Better Leighton than Never

What? It's a clever title, don't come here with your anti-Everton attitude, just because we beat Wolves and are now up to 12th (COYB), but this isn't even about Everton (for once), this is of course, our regular weekly (sort of) update about Sheen FC, that's right, after the players returned from their International duties last week to a harsh training regime laid out by my second in command Steve Claridge, Steve and the boys trained hard for this week and it paid off (mostly), Leighton Baines topped the pile with this weeks top score of 12 points followed by Sergio Aguero's 8 in a relatively quiet week for the lads.



It means that we lose pace on the runaway leaders at the top, but as long as Van Persil breaks his leg soon then we'll be fine. On a final note, look at the team in 3rd!! It's team Blah, I told you they were a threat, I knew it!!

I'll get Steve and the scouting team on a reconnaissance mission to the Blah training ground to get a few tips on how they are playing.

COYSFCIW!!

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Roses are Red, Violets are blue, the Premier League's great and the MLS is too

Good afternoon/morning/late night (so eager to read that you stayed up til 3am, I am touched) But yes, we are getting about equal amounts of traffic from the UK and the US, SO, I had a huge brainstorming session of how I could link the two with football, after hours of deliberating, I came up with this.

I'm sure you can all see how I came to that logical conclusion, it's quite simple, we n... Everton need Landon Donovan back (No more bias, I promise), on a more serious note Moyes needs him back in the team, he had an amazing impact on the team when he joined two years ago on loan from LA Galaxy, he instantly became a fan favourite (along with myself, AHH! ok, no more bias) he chipped in with two goals and a few assists and injured Ashley Cole in his short tenure with the Blues (Legend), but the thing he brought to the table that we.. Everton valued the most was his pace ,okay, you can say, "Oh, but Andy, Drenthe's got pace as well, even more than Donovan". To which I reply, "How the hell did you get my phone number?" But stalkers aside, he had discipline within his play which is something that Drenthe lacks at the moment, probably most obviously his red card against Chelski.

I seriously think that he would make a huge difference to Everton and that Moyes needs to be on the next cross-Atlantic flight to Los Angeles and find Donovan's house, ring the doorbell, hide just out of view and when he opens the door, Moyes and Hibbert pounce, restrain Landon and drag him back on that return cross-Atlantic back to John Lennon airport... Or we could just loan him again, your choice David, do it my way and it's quick and painless or do it your way and don't get a criminal record, it's your choice!...

But I digress, I hope my completely non-biased take on that subject has been full value for the UK readers and our cross-Atlantic viewers also, remember, always wear a seatbelt...

UP THE TOFFEES!!

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Good evening New York

So it seems the main traffic to this site is from our good friends from across the pond, presumably once again confusing football with the sport that they call football, but only involves the foot touching the ball for about 1% of the game. I can't fault them for visiting the site, who can blame them? But hopefully this small diagram will help for future references:

Hopefully that clears up everything, also a MASSIVE shout out to my one fan in Bosnia and Herzegovina, you are the only reason I keep going dude, just stick in there, this is all for you.

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Well all good things come to an end

This certainly isn't one of them, but as half-term has brutally finished (That's right I'm still at school, I know my immaculate use of the English language confused you didn't it) I'm now more heaped under than Kerry Katona's boyfriend, with homework of course, I'm not with the crazy Iceland woman, not any more at least...

But yes, back to the point, I have work to be doing so once again there will be fewer posts on here, I'll still try and keep you up to date with Sheen FC and Ilkeston but other than that I'm lazy.

Who even reads this anyway? But as Charlie says, with the motto emblazoned on our club badge, "We're still winning"

Thanks and goodbye

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It's better, but it's still not Sheen-worthy

It's not all doom and gloom, Sheen FC has made its was back up to second place and we are now only 7 points off the top, and you know who it's all down to? Well not Dzeko if you answered that, I've kicked Edin out after he decided he thought it would be funny to throw darts at his team mates (I have no idea where he gets his ideas from). Do you know what, I take back every single word I said about Demba Ba, the guy's an absolute legend and his hat trick yesterday has single handedly propelled us back up the league, that and Steven Taylor, well done Steve.

Here's how it's looking at the moment:

Just on a final note, the world renowned team 'blah' are blazing up the league and now reside in 5th, I see them causing us problems later in the season, they must be crushed...

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