So we didn't win...

It kind of dents our motto, but Sheen FC finished second in the league this season. Now before you start throwing your season tickets at me and chanting for my resignation, let me tell you, second place, at the start of the season we would've jumped at that!

But to everyone at the club's relief, the infamous team 'Blah' didn't manage to overtake us despite their late minute charge for victory. Unfortunately we couldn't hold onto our first place at Christmas crown and Goychers FC took the title. To be honest, I blame myself for signing two Tottenham players when they were crumbling quicker than Madonna's career.

But we'll be back next season, and I guarantee we'll win it this time, you watch.

Keep on Winning (sort of)

For some reason, The Sun has replaced
the database already, so here's my iPod

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The End Of Season Review: 2012 Edition

For some reason I decided to capitalise every word in the title, just makes it seem more important. Anyway, moving on to more important matters, without swearing; my thoughts on the last day of  the season: ... That's because I can't do it without swearing. It was amazing, so unpredictable, no-one saw that coming, absolutely no-one, and if you say you did then you're lying. This is why we love football ladies and gentlemen.

I still get shivers from hearing Martin Tyler scream 'AguerrooooOOOOOOOOOHHH' and to be honest I've had a few nightmares where it resonates in my head. Moving on... There was action, drama, just what we all wanted as a neutral. Some were expecting City to walk it, some expected them to bottle it, which they almost did and some like I, just wanted football to win. Which it did by far.

It was definitely the best season in my lifetime, I can't speak for before my time. But the final day summed it all up for me. You can't beat it. But we can't forget the rest of the season, although many, including myself pretty much have. Here are just a few highlights to jog your memories:

Manchester United 8-2 Arsenal (28/8/11)

Manchester United 1-6 Manchester City (23/10/11)

Chelsea 3-5 Arsenal (29/10/11)

Manchester United 2-3 Blackburn (31/12/11)

Chelsea 3-3 Manchester United (5/2/12)

Arsenal 5-2 Tottenham (26/2/12)

Manchester United 4-4 Everton (22/4/12)

Barcelona 2-2 Chelsea (24/4/12) (How could we forget Gary Neville?)

Manchester City 3-2 QPR (13/5/12)

Chelsea 1-1 Bayern Munich (Chelsea win 4-3 on penalties) (19/5/12)

Predictions from last season:

This should be fun, so let's look through what I, Mystic Meg, said would happen roughly a year ago...

"So this is how I think the Premier League will pan out in the end.

1st. Manchester United
2nd. Manchester City
3rd. Chelsea
4th. Liverpool
5th. Arsenal
6th. Tottenham
7th. Everton
8th. Sunderland
9th. Bolton
10th.Villa
11th.Fulham
12th.Stoke
13th.Newcastle
14th. West Brom
15th.Blackburn
16th. Wolves
17th. Norwich
18th. QPR
19th. Wigan
20th. Swansea"

... I don't even want to talk about it...

So swiftly moving on, we go to the 2nd annual Football Hearsay awards!

Best performance of the season: Man Utd 1-6 Man City (City simply bossed that game like they were playing a Sunday League team)

Team of the season: Man City (This is turning into the City blog, but in all honesty they were the best team)

Arse of the season: Luis Suarez (Racist and all round terrible human being, the man sickens me)

Class of the season: Robin Van Persie (unstoppable at times, fully deserved Golden Boot)


So that's it for another season, look out for my predictions for the 2012/13 season soon, although based on last year's there isn't much point. And the new segment for my Euro 2012 fantasy football. It's going to be a good season!

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We're all going on a European tour!

It's true, the rumours have been confirmed, Sheen FC will be playing in Europe this summer. Or to put it in simpler terms, I've entered the Sun's Euro 2012 fantasy football. I thought I'd put a little European twist on the team name so, unfortunately you're all going to need new scarfs and shirts because we are now officially 'Le Sheen FC'.

The team below is the first draft, I may stick with it, or there may be a few alterations based on injuries, form in friendlies or shooting working experience students with air rifles, yes I'm looking at you Ashley.

So, we'll see how we get on during the summer, but to be honest, it won't be up to date updates (if that made any sense) because I haven't even given you the end of year Sheen FC summary. I'm working on it alright...

Keep on Winning

Andy Element

Manager of Le Sheen FC

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The end of year review

COMING SOON

(because capital letters make it more exciting)

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Manchester United 4-4 Everton: A comeback quicker than an angry belieber

For those who don't know who/what a "belieber" is, then you're a lucky, lucky person. Also for the "angry beliebers" that find their way onto this page, thanks I needed the extra hits.

Now they've gone I'll say I don't normally do match reports but for me this was one of the games of the season (because of bias) and Tony Hibbert got two assists, these kind of games don't happen every year.

Everton started very brightly, there's less pressure left on them now after Saturday (I hate Andy Carroll), all they have left to challenge for in their season is pride and finishing above Liverpool. You could see that Moyes had them raring to go as they took the game to United in the first 20 minutes.

I must say that while he had a bit more in the transfer kitty than previous seasons, Moyes has been shrewd but excellent in the transfer market once again. Darron Gibson (playing against his old club today) has settled in excellently next to Fellaini in midfield. His array of passing is sublime and he can dig deep and help grind out results as well. He's turning into Everton's Paul Scholes. But of course the best piece of business bar Papiss Cisse has got to be Jelavic. He's 'jelled' with the team quickly and after today he's bagged himself 6 goals in 9 games. That's more than Yakubu in his entire career at Everton!*.

On 33 minutes the Croatian continued his fine goal scoring form by nodding a Tony Hibbert cross (yes, you read that right) over De Gea into the United net. Old Trafford stunned...

Then Rooney and Welbeck scored... Possible partnership at the Euros? (Once Rooney serves his ban of course). Oh and Nani scored as well...

It was 3-1 with 67 minutes gone, the United fans were relaxing and Fergie (wearing Nike trainers... no me either) was having a laugh with the Fourth Official. Probably discussing how he wouldn't need that much injury time this game after all.

But they didn't count on one man stepping forward, bursting down the right wing with lightning pace and delivering a pinpoint cross into the box, Hibbert had another assist. It was actually a decent finish by Fellaini who has recaptured his form of last season before that *insert expletive here* Kyriagkos broke his leg. A powerful volley into the bottom corner that De Gea couldn't keep out (been hearing that a lot this season though).

Then Rooney scored... again...

United's 2 goal lead was restored once again, the crowd began to relax (again) and Fergie kept chewing (it's like he's sponsored by Orbit). But then Jelavic scored... again. The ball was headed by Rio onto Jonny Evans' head and fell nicely for Jelllyfish to slot into the bottom corner.

Tension rose again through the Trafford faithful, and before you could say Bilyaletdinov the ball was past De Gea (again) and Everton had pulled off the comeback of the season. This goal was probably our best, it was nice build up play before Fellaini turned and found the run of Pienaar who cooly slotted home.

Fergie time then followed but Everton held out after a late scare from Rio (could you imagine the amount of tweets if that had gone in). Final score: Man U 4-4 Everton.

Oh, final point. Peter Odemwingie = Legend

*Statistics may not be 100% correct

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We've signed Two and a Half Men

Looking back through the Football Hearsay archives I noticed that I hadn't done a Sheen FC update in a while. So, without further ado here it is...

After being top at Christmas Sheen FC have dropped down to second and are looking up at a huge points gap between them and 1st place. The recent transfer window has shut and three new faces have joined up with the squad to train with head coach Steve Claridge.

Kyle Walker, Fab Collocini and Vincent Kompany all come in to join Leighton Baines to sure up the defence.

Unaware that Collocini is probably out for the season I made a dick move and didn't look at the players I was signing. I'm willing to hold my hands up and admit some poor management on my part.

Here's how the league table stands at the moment:

As you can see the infamous team 'blah' are coming back to haunt us, they now occupy 3rd place and are making a late assault for the title. Let's hope the new signings settle in and go for the league. 

Keep on Winning

(p.s. did you see what I did with the title? Because of the injury, huh? Huh? Yeah, that's right.)

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Scholes the passmaster

I decided to take an unconventional view on the game at Old Trafford today and watch one player. There was of course a lot of talent on show in Manchester but the one man out there that consistently performs is the old master himself, Paul Scholes. It turned out that I was basically watching the whole game anyway.

Every good thing United did today went through Scholes three or four times and he still has it, age has not hit him like it does to mere mortals. Many write off players once they pass 33/34 but the role Scholes plays and his impeccable ability has allowed him to continue this long. Being that he has such an array of passing, all he had to do was sit in an area which ranged from the centre circle to just outside the QPR box. He just moved into space allowing United to pass through him and create their attacks.

The way Scholes played the game means that he can fit into a Premier League team, had he been a winger the pace of the English game would’ve probably been too much for him. Unless you’re Ryan Giggs, that must be the yoga or something.

 From the outset in an overcast Manchester he was spraying the ball from left to right perfectly every time. He was vital to every United move and it showed after he was substituted to a standing ovation. United had less guile, they couldn’t break down Rangers with such ease.

But we can’t overlook the fact that Man U’s job was made a little easier thanks to some shocking decisions from both the referee and his linesman on the far side to allow an offside Ashley Young to dive and win a disgustingly cheap penalty, but enough of that.

Scholes finished off a classic performance with one of his trademark strikes, bullet into the bottom corner out of Kenny’s reach. I said to myself at half time after watching him that he’d score the next goal. I contemplated putting a bet on it but after deliberation decided against it. What an idiot I am, the odds were 11/1 and had I been brave I’d be sitting here looking at a nice £110.

But my failure out of the way, Scholes rightly received the Man of the Match award (from Gary Neville) and his return has really rejuvenated United and it looks as if he will push them towards another league title. Best free transfer of the season by far.

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We are top of the League, say we are top of the league

Sheen FC are top at Christmas!

More to come shortly

#SheenFC #Winning

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Merry Christmas

Well at the moment I can't be bothered to write anything meaningful, so instead here's a heartfelt message from myself to you all, wishing you festivity and joy this Christmas, and hopefully lots of money, that helps, and hey, maybe if you do get money you could send some to me, these hilarious articles don't come on the cheap you know. I've got a team of writers sitting here thinking of puns left, right and centre. It's a competitive industry and you've got to have the best.

Gracias y ¡Feliz Navidad

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Euro piece of shi...

Well it's that time again Ladies and Gentlemen, for England to rise again above everyone and crush the feeble opposition that stand before them and reign superior again... Or that's how the media (alright, The Sun) will portray it in the months leading up to Euro 2012. But we all know that the media is run by the underground British Mafia and that you can't trust the system!...

Or something along those lines anyway, but looking at the group, I think England have a great chance of progre.... Haha, what am I saying, we will inevitably fail again, and here's why.

1. We beat Spain, it can't get better than that, quite literally, it will be regarded as Capello's greatest and only achievement and will be forgotten in history as the only legacy will be the constant clip of Rob Green spilling that infamous shot into his own net, I really hope that image isn't what is remembered of Fabio, but I fear that will be the case...

2. Watch the video above, that explains everything

So England have to fend of the likes of Sweden, Ukraine and... FRANCE!!! You mean the team that went on strike during the World Cup, Hahahahahaha, this will be easy!!!

England Euro 2012 Champions

Gracias

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