FIFA games and Alcohol

No, it's not my parody of an Oasis song (although now you say it, I might do that...) But continuing, it's not long now until I attend one of my mates (yeah, joke all you want) gatherings, here he is planning on playing a FIFA drinking game, now I'm not good at FIFA or drinking alcohol so you can kind of see where this is going, they are absolutely determined to get me drunk because, supposedly I'm funny sober (yeah, you read that right) so they think I'd be hilarious drunk, I'm not so sure...

Here's why

1. Alcohol is a depressant, so my normal hilarious self (what?) will be utterly destroyed by this toxin filled rubbish that I will be ultimately forced by peer pressure to "down".

2. It only works if you want it to, I will be so reluctant to do it that once I do do it (hehe do do) I will be so annoyed at myself for doing it, that it will probably enhance my depression causing everyone to hate me.

3. In the small space of time that I will have drunk the optimum amount of alcohol to unleash the party animal inside me, I will have lost at least 2 more games of FIFA and be out cold, either that or forced to go to the brothel across the road. (That's right, he lives opposite a known brothel, I KNOW!)

4. I'm making this organised list about alcohol, suggesting to you that I'm neither fun nor cool enough to be handling more than one shot of whatever they decide to poison my liver with

So, about mid way through December you'll get my update on my pitiful attempt at this FIFA tournament and my other updates on my newly acquired liver disease.

Gracias